Honestly, time flies. It’s so crazy! If you asked me what I’ve been doing for the past 10 months I could not tell you, apart from nursing, staying up all night, trying to pull myself together during the day and watching the baby grow.
He’s so big. I really feel anxious about the fact that now I am officially old, the next generation is here, and he’ll keep growing and I’m a parent.
I never thought I’d want to parent. It’s been a rollercoaster ride, but now that he’s bigger things are kind of starting to calm down. I feel like a failure a lot, but I’ve heard all moms do, so nothing new there.
I am trying to decide what I want to do with my life, but nothing new there either.
Right now I want some tiramisu. I’m trying to go vegan but these random cravings are effing it up for me.
I am kind of finally starting to feel like a mom. I don’t know what that’s really like otherwise because I have had a weird relationship with mine, but I now get to choose what kind of mommy I’ll be and it’s kind of fun. I get anxious when he cries in public but then I’m like whatever, fuck them, I don’t care what people think about me. I care for him the best I can with my limited abilities and he’ll be fine.
I can’t shelter him from everything and that’s fine too.
He’ll be a good boy.