Still no sign of the baby

  
I finally stopped working. On Friday last week I was like oh man I’m so stressed out I can’t concentrate on work when all I think about if labor, so I said I wouldn’t come in this week.

And of course the baby is nowhere to be seen! And I feel really guilty for not being productive and being at work. Yeah, I worked until 39 and some weeks and gave up and now my due date has come and gone and nothing’s happened and I might as well have been working.

Monday was tough. I had serious cabin fever and I paced up and down and thought about all this stuff I should be doing like laundry and groceries and cleaning and cooking and .. But of course my anxiety mostly prevented me from actually doing anything and so I just sat in bed an anxious and stressed out mess.

It’s gotten a bit easier because I’ve met with a couple of students and I’m working on some teaching stuff to have a bit of an income and that makes me feel a bit better. Money has always been a big issue and I’ve never had enough and I’ve always tied my self-worth to a job title and how much I wasn’t making, and now it’s even worse when I have no income.

My anxiety really has hit some new levels I’ve never seen before and I can’t sleep, get anything done, I’m constantly really angry and pissy and I feel like something is crawling under my skin and I can’t even scratch that itch.

M

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2 thoughts on “Still no sign of the baby

  1. Oh hang in there love. It will happen soon and then you will be so busy you won’t have time to worry. Just sleep and care and sleep and care. The first month is intense but the best news is that it gets easier every day until it’s nearly effortless to care for your little one.

    Been thinking of you non stop. I sent you an email yesterday. Xx

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