i have recently had a depressive episode – it’s too long to go into it but I was in bed for days after something triggered this mood of utter hopelessness and sadness and skin-crawling irritability and anger.
I emailed my Ob in the middle of the night one night when I couldn’t sleep and she sent me to see a psychiatrist. This guy was pretty impressive as he’s the leading psychiatrist in maternal mental illness and psychotropic medication in pregnancy, and we had a good chat.
Although what I usually feel about psychiatrists is that they already kind of have an opinion of you and what you have and they ask questions to confirm that.
So this one said I definitely don’t have bipolar (which I of course knew and always felt strongly about) but instead he diagnosed me with depression and PTSD.
PTSD?!? Never heard that before. I don’t know if he meant I have it because of the car crash (I avoid driving, get flashbacks, I’m jumpy in a movig vehicle and that one time hyperventilated when I thought M almost hit this lady crossing the road) or whether I have PTSD from childhood trauma. Or all of the above?
So anyway he recommended me to get back on Effexor (venlafaxine). He said maternal depression and other mental health issues adversely affect the fetus and can result in many issues including preterm birth and mental health issues in the baby himself.
Fine. I get that. But I had felt so good getting off my medication!! I have not taken anything for 7 months now and I would feel like a fucking failure if I had to get on something again!!
So I said thanks but no thanks. I’ll be fine.
He said I’m at such high risk for postpartum depression that I pretty much will get it and that I should at least start taking an antidepressant after birth.
Still thinking about that one.