I saw my psychiatrist today. She was completely different towards me than last time. It bothers me that all the people I have seen (3 psychiatrists thus far at this place) only care about whether I’m working or not…
In fact, it pisses me off! So what if I don’t feel well enough to work? What if I don’t wanna work?
What if I just feel like if I can’t do what I ultimately would want to do (be like Oprah and have my own talk show, OR run women’s interest programs in Sub-Saharan Africa for a UN agency), that I don’t wanna do anything?
What if the thought of working and doing the same shit day in day out fills me with so much anxiety about the short length of life and not wanting to waste any more time doing shit, that I don’t and can’t work?
But no, they always first ask, are you working? That is all they care about.
So anyway today I said I was tapering off Effexor because I was pregnant and after a short conversation we decided it was the best way to go, and now she wants me off of it completely within the next week…..!
Dizziness, nausea, restlessness, irritation, anxiety, thoughts of hopelessness….they’ve all started coming back again, but what can I do, can’t stay on it, right?