These pregnancy thoughts

I saw my therapist and I thought she’d be mad at me for getting pregnant but she wasn’t, and just wanted to help. I’m sure behind my back she still feels I’m not worthy of having a child because of all my mental problems.

I will see my psychiatrist next Wednesday. I read up on how bad antidepressants are during pregnancy and I started splitting my pills over a week ago and so far so good. Nothing major is going on. I read that Effexor is a bitch to get off of, but I already came off another drug last year (which eventually ended with me in the psychiatric hospital..) so I know I can do it, but question is, how does my mind react to no drugs?

I saw my Primary Care Physician (I really dislike her, but I don’t really know how to choose a doctor, plus this one is close, and her clinic is better than the last one I went to! I swear I’ve seen 5 different PCP’s in the last two years, it’s so annoying) on Wednesday and the nurse who I talked to was like oh you’re pregnant, you don’t wanna keep it? (I’m like, what in my voice said I didn’t..??) and the doctor was on similar lines, but she was more diplomatic, asking me what I wanted to do.

I like that they don’t automatically assume you are going to want to have the baby. Accidents happen. Keep it real, doctors.

I said that this time I did, and she said I had to go cold turkey on my meds and stop taking them, and checked my arms for cutting (she’d noticed this last time and asked me about it) and told me I needed to see an OB and that was that.

I have horrid morning sickness, it started off as nausea and bloomed into full-blown vomiting this morning.

Started this job two weeks ago and I can’t tell anyone at work.

I also will have no maternity so I guess they’ll fire me when I go off to give birth?? Fuck American maternity policies by the way, this system sucks so fucking bad.

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