I don’t know where to start. Let’s start with the job:
I got a job. I am now an account manager at a marketing agency, and I got it through a recruitment consultancy who kind of weren’t so honest about what it would entail. I started at the same time with two 21-year-old graduates and I feel old, embarrassed, I am way above this job with regard to my skills and experience, but my mental illness means I am still negative, feel like I can’t wake up to go to work, I feel like I’m shit, I can’t do it, I should be a lot further ahead but I’m not…All kinds of shit is going through my head and I am not sure I will be able to continue. So that’s one thing.
Two, I finished with trauma therapy. Rough. I have a lot of feelings about it, but all I can say, if you ever have an opportunity to go to The Trauma Resolution Center in Miami, do it. They are amazing. AMAZING. Life changing.
Three, we will start couples therapy. Lots of things. Complete miscommunication happening about what emotional support is, and I don’t get my needs met, and we have a ton of issues but I think in the end we’re staying together and trying to work it all out. I feel sad y’all get only my side of the story; I wonder what M would say about me and our relationship?
Four. I’m pregnant. 5 weeks. Lots of emotions. Just as I had processed the trauma of the abortion I had last year, I stopped being obsessed about getting pregnant (some kind of obsession that had to do with trying to negate the trauma of having an abortion) and then boom, I didn’t get my period and realized I was pregnant.
I know y’all think, “Is she going to have an abortion?” and the answer is no, I am not. This time, I am keeping “it” and I am continuing my healing and going to have that process going along at the same time too…
Gotta go to work. Keep in touch people!