Horses. Dogs. Animals. = Healing

IMG_4134 I love horses. And dogs. Not so much cats, even though I grew up with lots of cats. Cats are just too independent and don’t need us humans and don’t come to us when we want them to, so I like dogs more.

I don’t know what I’d do without Bolt, our crazy little amazing Chihuahua – he means more than life to me and I swear I send way too much time petting him and giving him kisses, but he makes me so happy no matter what he does, so it’s all worth it.

IMG_20141005_232256 Bolt is amazing. I really want to rescue another Chihuahua, but we’re actually looking to rent a place and Miami is terrible, no one wants to let pets in, and if they do, they want $200-500 “pet deposit”, some or most of which is non-refundable!! It’s ridiculous.

I cannot believe how long it’s been since I last blogged. I’ve just been applying for jobs, working, tutoring on the side here and there, doing what I can to make a dollar, and I’ve also been going to therapy.

We decided (well I did, and M agreed, and now he doesn’t agree again) to start trying to a child but it’s been 5 months without contraception of any kind, and nothing has happened. The monthly visitor always appears and I get really sad and irritated and angry. I like things my way, and now I’m obsessed, and it’s not good.

I try not obsess but it’s not easy. Everyone around me is having babies, and I feel like I should and want to, also. I feel like I would have a reason to live, perhaps.

I am also dealing with the abortion still, gosh, it’s been exactly a year tomorrow! Whoa. I think tomorrow I will post about how I feel on the anniversary of me exercising my rights as a woman in the free world who wasn’t ready to have a child. Still not sure how I feel, it’s a lot of stuff…

Going to two therapists now – one to specifically work on trauma (will post on it later) and the same lady I that I’ve been seeing since last year. I like her. I feel blessed and fortunate to work with her.

Okay so much stuff that I wanna write about but before it all snowballs, I hope you all are taking good care of yourselves and I hope for my own sake that I can start blogging more again now because it really helps me to get things on paper.

Love love love LG

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