Gosh, time flies! I haven’t been posting in a loooong time.
Not that I haven’t thought about this blog and wanted to jot down my racing thoughts, but in reality, it’s sometimes hard to actually sit down and concentrate on writing.
Long story short: Booked a last-minute trip to Europe when my paperwork here got sorted (I now have a permanent resident card and a social security number yay!) – I have really wanted M, my husband, to see where I come from, meet my family (well actually I didn’t want him to meet them, but he did) and for my friends to meet him and get to talk to him.
I think going back “home” (whatever that means) was both liberating and hard.
London was my home for gosh, 6 years (and I’d been in the UK for over ten years by the time I left), and Finland..well, Finland is my birth country and I share a lot of the values and ideas that are prevalent there, but I don’t see it as “home”.
“Home” is Miami, is what I discovered during my trip.
Anyway, so we flew into London, ran around meeting friends, didn’t do anything touristy but just lived normal “London life” as such with rush hour Tube journeys and drinks in East London.
I also had had LASIK done over 3 years ago in London, and as my eyes have been regressing (had LOTS of problems ever since the surgery, would not recommend it for anyone!!) I made appointments at the clinic to have a review, and then when they decided to do an enhancement procedure (free, of course), I had a few check ups and stuff so that took time!
We then went to Finland for 6 days, he met my family, he liked it, got along with everyone (even my racist brother), he promised my mom we’d go back more often (okay, he can go, I’m not interested) and all in all it was actually an okay visit.
He did ask me how I was feeling, and I said fine, and he said I always say how hard it is to go back and how normal I seemed, so I said I just try not to think about things.
Like, we went to sauna one day (super Finnish) and it really gives me the creeps to hear the stones in the stove click due to the heat – I was also abused in the sauna, and that clicking noise that expanding stove stones make is forever imprinted in my brain.
But I just tried not to think about it.
Then we flew back to London, I had LASEK the next day, he then flew back home, I stayed at my friend’s for five more days recovering in the dark, and flew back too.
It’s been a week now and I think the first thought coming back was relief.
My life is here now – whatever compelled me to commit to a crush, a boyfriend-material type workfriend who I really liked and started loving, who didn’t want to try a long-distance relationship, has kind of started making sense.
Marriage is fucking hard though! That’s a post in itself.
I can’t wait to go back to my Support Group, I can’t wait to find a job (I’m now kind of working but it’s really shit and demeaning and I hate it), continue learning to live as a normal regular person just like everyone else, without needing mad drama in my life all the time…
Ok, will post more soon. Any questions about Europe or traveling, shoot them my way! I feel like an expert now after all this hassle……!