I have blogged about finding this group through my various internet searches, and although it’s in a different city (Fort Lauderdale), and I don’t drive (don’t even have a licence), I try to go every week.
I usually take the bus up and a girl who also goes to the group picks me up and we drive to the actual location. I am really grateful that I’ve met people who actually want to help me get there – she could easily not care as it is out of her way and it must be a pain to have to drag someone else around before and after, but like I said, I’m blessed to meet people like her who do want to go out of their way!
Yesterday she texted me saying her friend has her car, so we’d be riding her MOTORCYCLE to the group. YIKES! As said, I don’t drive, AND I’ve been in a few car accidents in my life so I’m super scared of moving vehicles and speed……
But she was really good – she took me on quiet roads because she knew I was scared and in the end I fucking loved the wind in my face! Riding on the beach road in Fort Lauderdale made me appreciate living in Florida (we’re so fucking blessed to live here!!)
Lots of Emotions
The group always takes me my surprise. It’s really laid back – no convener, no rules as such, no pattern, just CSA survivors chatting to each other.
Yet, every time something moves within me. Others’ stories and struggles, their advice on my struggles, just sitting there being in the safe environment where no one judges no matter what you say….Being around “my people” who just “get me” is…awesome.
I wish every survivor had the chance and willingness to join a group! It can be really healing. My group organizer has sent me his recommendations for therapists that I could choose from, but I’m not in a mad hurry to call anyone, I just wanna…go to my group for now.
Home and Husband
Since learning my husband is depressed I’ve been searching for ways in my head to make him happy, help him…I just wanna make him better!
But having lived with depression for so long in my life I know it is impossible to “fix” someone….Unfortunately. I guess I can just be there for him?!
We talk. I ask him about his ex. I think he still loves her; in fact I know he does. We both were in relationships that we thought were The One, when in reality it was just not ever going to work out….So I think we’re healing with each other, we’re building something lasting, we can actually admit things to each other.
I said this morning in the car that I don’t think I’m over with my ex, and I think it shocked him because he probably thinks I am, but it is such a relief to be able to be honest and open.
I think we are on the road to building a lasting healthy relationship and it gives me such joy in my heart to know I can heal from my destructive patterns and learn to be in a committed, open, honest and adult relationship – something I’ve never had before.
I was addicted to drama, confusion, big emotions and instability, but slowly..I think I’m healing.
Normal and stable can be good, I guess. I do want emotions, something my husband doesn’t seem to have sometimes, but I guess we balance each other out…
xx LGITR xx