My Blogging Anniversary

WordPress was kind enough to announce to me that I’ve now been blogging here for 4 years!

Gosh. I can’t even remember where I was emotionally 4 years ago. Must have been April 2010…I’d just met my ex-boyfriend, and would soon start my super-stressful job at a software company in sales (from where they’d “fire” me and forcefully move me to another department, mainly I think because of my self-esteem issues and depression).

A LOT has happened in the last 4 years!!

– I was in a 3-year relationship.

Slept with a few girls along the way. Last one was right before I got into my current relationship, it sealed the deal that I was ready to commit in the long term as it just didn’t feel right. When I was in my long relationship, right at the beginning I cheated on him by kissing my ex-girlfriend, and then had to deal with this for the whole 3 years.

– I have traveled to Vegas and Cancun (for work conferences), Uganda and Gambia (with the ex), Finland (visit family), the US, Barbados (visit friends)…

I got out of a 3-year relationship. Kept sleeping with him for a few months in my state of loneliness and despair and inability to decide who I wanted to be with and whether the was The One after all, and whether we could heal the relationship.

– I moved three times within London, and once abroad (to the US).

I saw 5 different therapists!!! (OMG). First was my long-term therapist at the nonprofit in London that works with survivors, then she got really sick and my therapy came to an abrupt end.

I then went to see my regular doctor who sent me to CBT for 12 sessions, she then referred me to the mental health services, I went to a Borderline group for 12 more sessions, was discharged from the Borderline program for not being severe enough and basically, functioning. Then I started seeing a student psychoanalytic psychiatrist whom I saw three times a week for 18 months through the National Health Service (NHS). Then that came to an end and I was fucking distraught!

And then I moved to Miami, and saw someone that I found through my insurance company for 5 times and it was a fucking joke and I quit.

I’ve healed, regressed, done some more healing, met people along the way (other survivors I mean), become friends, done healing together, and lost some of these new friends too.

– I’ve blogged and blogged and blogged and sometimes when I’ve really wanted to, I haven’t been able to. Lack of energy?

– I’ve had one abortion, lots of meaningless sex with people I’ve been in relationships, suffered immensely in the area of intimacy, but I’ve carried on. Maybe one day I’ll be happy??

– I went to court twice for a housing case as my previous landlord tried to evict us 4 living in a shared house, I was bullied by these housemates, I have slept on someone’s living room floor for 3 months, shared a cupboard-sized room with my ex for 4 months, I lived in a house with mold and mice for a few years and just recently have felt that I’m getting settled…

Gosh, a lot. 4 years is a long time, but I can definitely still relate to the person I was in April 2010! She was younger, more inexperienced, naive maybe, depressed and hopeless a lot, but strong and ambitious at the same time. Confused. Definitely confused.

I don’t want to be confused anymore, I think I really want to live a meaningful life. Yeah, for sure. I just hope I’m in the right place for me to be able to achieve that.

xx

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “My Blogging Anniversary

  1. You’ve come a long way in four years my friend. I’m thankful to have been with you through the last year of it all. xox Happy Anniversary, if that’s appropriate. lol. xoxox

    • Thank you! I am happy we’re friends, your comments always uplift my spirits. Take good care and congrats on the job developments (are you gonna take the better paid position do you think, or no?)

      • I’m always glad to help you in any way I can! 😀

        Thanks for the congrats. I’m working with HR right now to see if I even can apply. When you take a temp posting, like I just did, they won’t let you apply for new jobs until you’ve been there for at least half of the contract. (I think I’ll stick with the lower pay/lower stress job anyway). xox

      • OMG Really?! How can they do that?? But would it be within the same institution, I guess that’s the only way I could see how they could dictate whether you can apply for another position or not…?!

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