I really think my therapist is unprofessional..

So I’ve gone to see this lady four times now – I found her through my insurance provider’s in-network online search (got tired of searching, called the first person on the list, and went to see her).

The first session is a lot of paper–filling, so that’s kind of okay and expected, but when she excused herself in the middle to go to the bathroom I was a bit..startled.

She also keeps her phone right next to her on the chair and occasionally checks it. I think she is checking texts, but last time when she pulled it out she was looking for some information that she’d written down (she is writing a book I hear) so I guess I was wrong, but still, the phone bothers me.

She has also gotten up to go to her purse to get hand cream. Fine,

Last week I think was the worst however – she just said, “Oh, I must do your billing” and got up, went to her desk and typed some stuff up on her laptop and printed something (my bills to go to the insurance company, I presume), and there was a pause in the conversation this whole time!

When she sat back I was just startled, felt disrespected, and was just like, whoa…that’s unprofessional!

I guess I should leave…BUT, I have opened up, told her some stuff, I feel like some stuff she’s said has been helpful, and because I really dislike her, we might be onto something (I definitely don’t wanna create a connection or feel like I need her. Have to keep her at a distance!)

So I don’t know. Is this normal? Should I just take it, or leave her?

xx

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14 thoughts on “I really think my therapist is unprofessional..

  1. Hmm. I’d address your concerns and see how she reacts before deciding anything. Maybe tell her that you feel like she’s not really listening to you when preoccupied with her phone/billing/bathroom visits/hand cream searches. If she gets snotty about it, I’d seek out another therapist to try.

    I understand why you would not want to form an attachment to your therapist but some kind of bond is necessary in order to get the processing work done. You need to be able to trust her, know she’s listening to you and providing you with the best therapy she is able to provide…

    There’s no harm in trying out a new therapist if you have the insurance to cover it. I say check out a few more and see if anyone fits you better. You don’t even have to tell this one you’re doing it.

    xx So pleased to see you doing such great self work. 🙂 Hope things are good with your handsome hubs.

  2. I think it’s totally unprofessional for her to get up from her chair at all–unless it’s part of some type of exercise you’d be doing. Checking a phone during your time? Um. No. That’s awful. In my therapist sessions, have never had anything come up about billing or payments except at the VERY end of the session. I would be so annoyed if my therapist ever did anything like that.
    I really think you should look for another therapist. Look at the list you had initially and google and go to the websites of the therapists and find the ones that specialize in sexual abuse and any other issues you might have. Go with the one you like the best from your list and set a new appt. You also can always call a couple as well to see what you think of them over the phone.
    If you are assertive enough, you could bring the issue up to your current therapist and she might stop but at this point, I feel like you’ve already been disrespected and it might be hard to shake that initial vibe you already have about her.
    Good luck!

    • Thank you for your comment! It is a relief to hear I’m not just imagining things…I went to see this lady yesterday and yet again the phone vibrated and she checked it……!! I have no courage to say anything, she does some of these things kind of on the sly, on the side, as if to hide it from me, so I don’t feel like I can say hey! Don’t do that. Will cancel next week’s appointment and just … find someone else. I just don’t feel like I can be assertive! 😦 😦

      • I get it! It would feel awkward to have to explain why. I would def cancel that next appointment and not make any other ones./ You can tell her something came up on those days–and you’ll call back when you’re ready to start rescheduling. I’m sure she’ll get the hint.
        It’s really rude that she does that during your time. You don’t deserve that and like I said before–I have never seen a therapist do that! I hope you will look for another one though. : )

  3. I agree this lady does not seem to be very professional. If you are able, (victims often have trouble asserting themselves and that’s nothing to feel bad about if this is you) you may try asking her flat out if there is a problem and to spit it out. Or if you don’t have the energy, and are simply done that’s fine.
    Just because she went to school and has a piece of paper that says she can work as a therapist, does not mean she should.
    Anyone can pass a few semesters of college.
    Her behavior sounds odd at best, and regardless if it was intentional or not, an uncomfortable therapy environment is not good for you.

    • Yup, I am one of those people, cannot be assertive to save my life! It is out of question, I wish I could but in this instance it’s probably just best to stop going instead of push myself to try harder.

      It is a shame though because I had high hopes for it, and did share a lot about myself, so to just walk away and know my secrets will stay with her feels a bit hurtful, but..in the long-term, if I stay, am I just going to be wasting my time and money? Quite possibly. So. Best to quit! Thank you for the advice and opinions, it helps to see the situation from someone else’s perspective! XX

      • You are surely welcome.
        Drawing healthy boundaries is something I have wrestled with my entire life. It’s probably the one thing that leads victims to become easy targets later, and statistically victims are repeatedly victimized.
        Any therapist you see, should exercise very clear boundaries with you and never cross them.
        I’m so disappointed with you that your therapist didn’t work out.
        The best fit for you is just around the corner. I have faith. 🙂

      • YES! I know all about not being able to draw boundaries or being assertive…especially in intimate situations. It’s like, you have that voice in your head that states you’re just not worthy of..I don’t know, like your thoughts don’t matter..

        So true, that the therapist should know all this. Maybe she hasn’t worked with survivors before? (Or has, but fails to recognize these patterns in them).

        I did find a great little nonprofit here in my area, and the exec director said they have counselors and he’ll see if anyone would be close and could work with me. It’s only by phone though, but luckily I have insurance so possibly I could work with a therapist that is recommended by a CSA-organization, so that’s a plus! I’m just tired of trying to find someone else, and maybe get disappointed again….

      • I understand the frustration of looking over and over. I’ve had to also. When calling offices and looking to “Hire” your next therapist, keep in mind they are making a paycheck off of you. You have the right to ask the receptionist how long they’ve practiced, their specialty, where they are reviewed by other patients, anywhere their professional work has earned special merit, awards, or achievements, where they attended school and how often they take refresher courses… Etc.

        Trauma victims benefit greatly from EMDR Therapy, so it’s a good sign if you find someone who’s highly trained in this.

        And in the initial meetings, of course there is paperwork for the first meeting but I would recommend staying more closed off but testing them to see how they react and watching their behaviors. Your hope is that they are attentive and you get a warm, comfortable feeling from them.

        Gee this is turning into a preachy essay lol. We seem to relate on a lot. 😉

      • Yeah, this seems like rational advice. They do make a hell of a lot of money off of insurance and it is my right to work with someone who actually respects me.

        I made the mistake of telling this woman too much, thank you for the advice to take it slower next time!

        I also dont really consider myself a trauma victim – the abuse happened in a “loving” way, and of course there was manipulation, but nothin violent or anything like that…

        I really enjoy your comments! Thank you for taking the time to come by and support and give advice!

      • It is hard for victims to sometimes see themselves as that because of the confusion it causes for years after. This is perhaps why sex crimes are so harmful. They are so much harder for the victim to recover from because the betrayal was a real “Mind Fuck”. At least that’s how I refer to it. The years you stay lost in this world, trying to unscramble the mess they left behind sometimes feels hopeless.
        I’m so glad that we can connect, and support each other through this.

      • I’m so glad we’ve connected and that you have left really helpful, honest and encouraging comments on my posts! I think we struggle with so many issues that sometimes it just feels good to let it out and then hear that someone else in this world understands! It makes me at least feel less weird and crazy…

  4. Pingback: I Quit Therapy! | Little Girl In The Rain

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