I haven’t slept last night. Instead, I spent the dark hours curled up on the couch with the doggie, crying, listening to sad songs on Youtube, wishing I was home…
I miss London. Like crazy. I have slowly started feeling like I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left it behind and moved here….
I am too…impulsive. Always looking for something better, something that would fulfill my yearning for a better life, happiness, love, excitement. I drop things at a moment’s notice to move on to something else, only to realize it really wasn’t that great after all.
This time I made a huge mistake. There is no turning back. I have to be honest here with my feelings as this is the only place where I can be honest, and I have to say that I still miss my ex (even though it was so dysfunctional….we just really should have worked things out! I should have worked things out) and I just want to hear his voice, be next to him, look him in the eyes, know that I’m loved..
He knew me. Like reaaaally knew me. I let that go, and I will never ever get it back..Ever. It hurts like hell!
But I was so unhappy with him too. Something is really fucking wrong with me!!!!! I always want what I don’t have, and I’m never happy with anything.
Like, what is the point then? I sit here with the knowledge that I will never be happy, so what is the point in living my life?
I dunno. I just want to go home. Be with people I know and love and feel like I belong…Maybe I don’t belong anywhere..I got pills, I toy with the idea of ending it all because..there is no point to this. I’m so fucking tired.