I wanna go home

I haven’t slept last night. Instead, I spent the dark hours curled up on the couch with the doggie, crying, listening to sad songs on Youtube, wishing I was home…

I miss London. Like crazy. I have slowly started feeling like I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left it behind and moved here….

I am too…impulsive. Always looking for something better, something that would fulfill my yearning for a better life, happiness, love, excitement. I drop things at a moment’s notice to move on to something else, only to realize it really wasn’t that great after all.

This time I made a huge mistake. There is no turning back. I have to be honest here with my feelings as this is the only place where I can be honest, and I have to say that I still miss my ex (even though it was so dysfunctional….we just really should have worked things out! I should have worked things out) and I just want to hear his voice, be next to him, look him in the eyes, know that I’m loved..

He knew me. Like reaaaally knew me. I let that go, and I will never ever get it back..Ever. It hurts like hell!

But I was so unhappy with him too. Something is really fucking wrong with me!!!!! I always want what I don’t have, and I’m never happy with anything.

Like, what is the point then? I sit here with the knowledge that I will never be happy, so what is the point in living my life?

I dunno. I just want to go home. Be with people I know and love and feel like I belong…Maybe I don’t belong anywhere..I got pills, I toy with the idea of ending it all because..there is no point to this. I’m so fucking tired.

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One thought on “I wanna go home

  1. Oh honey xxx. 😦 If I cross the line here, please, forgive me? I can just relate SO well to this post.

    Your ex. You know I’ve been in a similar relationship and it wasn’t very long ago. Sometimes, when we are getting the validation we need out of a relationship we stick to it like glue for fear that we’ll never find someone who understands us again. I know you guys were really close, like crawling through each other’s heads kind of close, and although that feels very connective, it isn’t always the best thing for us.

    Hmm…I’m being vague on purpose so I don’t get too personal on your blog…lol. I think I’ll write you an email. Stay tuned my friend, and, please write me if you need to vent some more of this out. xx

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