I am really sorry for being MIA for some time now – I actually had a friend come visit me from London and now that she’s gone my life can go back to normal again.
Lots has happened. I had my psychiatrist appointment that my doctor had referred me to, and I honestly cannot say how I feel about how it went!
I showed up at Mount Sinai medical center in Miami Beach, went up to this woman’s office, paid my twenty dollar copay, went into her room, and my mind was blank.
She asked me why I was there and I couldn’t really say. I mean, I had wanted therapy, but to again tell my whole life story is so exhausting!! I did it though. And I don’t think I liked her. It wasn’t just the fact that her English was poor, but it was the way she jumped to conclusions before hearing me out.
She suggested couple’s therapy, and then for me to go see some lady who specializes in therapy for people with eating disorders! (This after I mentioned I’d been anorexic 15 years ago!!! )
She wants me to increase my citalopram dose to 30 or 40 mg, and mentioned a few other drugs she could put me on. Abilify. Something. Else. Blah. No thanks!! I already do not want to be on this!!
I casually mentioned having been diagnosed with borderline in the UK and she said why and I said I don’t know. Casually mentioned self harm and she perked up from the chair like a little bird.
“Let me see”. I was uncomfortable as fuck, no one has wanted to see any of it before, they believe me when I mention it. If I even mention it. For the longest time I didn’t, but sometimes
I honestly don’t feel doctors believe you’re not doing well unless you exhibit some gruesomeness like cutting….so unfair.
She looked at my arm and asked when the last time was. I said Christmas. She oohed and aahed and said yes, you seem a bit borderline.
Less than half an hour, me crying most of the time (not sure why, guess I got emotional) and she gave me two business cards to psychologists and told me to come see her again.
Definitely will not go. Not worth twenty dollars. The fact that she announced she doesn’t do therapy made me really question why the fuck would my first doctor have sent me there when I’d said I specifically wanted to go into therapy???.
Have had some other issues too. Yeast infection which I tried to cure with white vinegar (burrrrrrrn) as doctors are expensive. Eventually when my period didn’t clear the redness and discomfort, I saw a doctor who told me I was fine, but prescribed a yeast infection medication anyway (which I took) only to call me some days later to tell me the swabs had come back as positive for Bacterial Vaginosis!
WTF. My vajayjay is giving up on me. Within five months I’ve had this shit that I have never had in my life before!! First UTI that sent me to ER as I didn’t have a doctor, then the yeast infection which may or may not have existed before my period after which I was diagnosed with BV. Major what the fuck moment.
On antibiotics, can’t drink, use my e-cigarette (it contains propylene glycol which causes horrible stomach cramps and nausea, which I had after eating Denny’s mac and cheese and apple crunch, so I know their food contains it….), so I bought a pack of Marlboros and been smoking real ciggies after a loong time without them.
My friend from London was here for a week – we met in 2012 when we both volunteered in the Olympic ceremonies, and been buddies since then. Not the closest, but it was fun having her visit and being able to chit chat. She knows my ex, my life in London, and now my life in Miami. Feels good to know I can be acquaintances with people and joke around without the other person knowing anything deep about me!
Sooooooooooo. I am doing okay ish, gonna go sleep this whole thing off, time to soon make some big decisions….