Friend was visiting and I visited a Psychiatrist

I am really sorry for being MIA for some time now – I actually had a friend come visit me from London and now that she’s gone my life can go back to normal again.

Lots has happened. I had my psychiatrist appointment that my doctor had referred me to, and I honestly cannot say how I feel about how it went!

I showed up at Mount Sinai medical center in Miami Beach, went up to this woman’s office, paid my twenty dollar copay, went into her room, and my mind was blank.

She asked me why I was there and I couldn’t really say. I mean, I had wanted therapy, but to again tell my whole life story is so exhausting!! I did it though. And I don’t think I liked her. It wasn’t just the fact that her English was poor, but it was the way she jumped to conclusions before hearing me out.

She suggested couple’s therapy, and then for me to go see some lady who specializes in therapy for people with eating disorders! (This after I mentioned I’d been anorexic 15 years ago!!! )

She wants me to increase my citalopram dose to 30 or 40 mg, and mentioned a few other drugs she could put me on. Abilify. Something. Else. Blah. No thanks!! I already do not want to be on this!!

I casually mentioned having been diagnosed with borderline in the UK and she said why and I said I don’t know. Casually mentioned self harm and she perked up from the chair like a little bird.

“Let me see”. I was uncomfortable as fuck, no one has wanted to see any of it before, they believe me when I mention it. If I even mention it. For the longest time I didn’t, but sometimes
I honestly don’t feel doctors believe you’re not doing well unless you exhibit some gruesomeness like cutting….so unfair.

She looked at my arm and asked when the last time was. I said Christmas. She oohed and aahed and said yes, you seem a bit borderline.

Less than half an hour, me crying most of the time (not sure why, guess I got emotional) and she gave me two business cards to psychologists and told me to come see her again.

Definitely will not go. Not worth twenty dollars. The fact that she announced she doesn’t do therapy made me really question why the fuck would my first doctor have sent me there when I’d said I specifically wanted to go into therapy???.

Have had some other issues too. Yeast infection which I tried to cure with white vinegar (burrrrrrrn) as doctors are expensive. Eventually when my period didn’t clear the redness and discomfort, I saw a doctor who told me I was fine, but prescribed a yeast infection medication anyway (which I took) only to call me some days later to tell me the swabs had come back as positive for Bacterial Vaginosis!

WTF. My vajayjay is giving up on me. Within five months I’ve had this shit that I have never had in my life before!! First UTI that sent me to ER as I didn’t have a doctor, then the yeast infection which may or may not have existed before my period after which I was diagnosed with BV. Major what the fuck moment.

On antibiotics, can’t drink, use my e-cigarette (it contains propylene glycol which causes horrible stomach cramps and nausea, which I had after eating Denny’s mac and cheese and apple crunch, so I know their food contains it….), so I bought a pack of Marlboros and been smoking real ciggies after a loong time without them.

My friend from London was here for a week – we met in 2012 when we both volunteered in the Olympic ceremonies, and been buddies since then. Not the closest, but it was fun having her visit and being able to chit chat. She knows my ex, my life in London, and now my life in Miami. Feels good to know I can be acquaintances with people and joke around without the other person knowing anything deep about me!

Sooooooooooo. I am doing okay ish, gonna go sleep this whole thing off, time to soon make some big decisions….

LittleGirl xx

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4 thoughts on “Friend was visiting and I visited a Psychiatrist

  1. Oh yuck…that sounds like a rotten appointment with the doc. I wasn’t sure if was the same as here (Canada) but our shrinks don’t do therapy either…they leave that to psychologists and therapists. You’re probably just as good finding a decent therapist in the area as seeing a psych.

    The yeast infection! Have you tried any of the over the counter stuff? They sell it at drug stores and it comes in 1, 3 and 7 day treatments. Helps loads…of course, you may need antibiotics at this point. It’s possibly from your new man and the levels of yeast in his system…whenever I had a new partner, for the first six months or so I’d get constant UTI’s and yeast infections until my body got used to my partners levels. (That’s not medical fact, just experience so take it with a grain of salt ;). The vinegar must have really been painful. *ouuuchs!*

    I’m glad to know your visit with your friend went well! Hang in there sweets…things will level out again soon. Always here if you need me…you know where to reach me. xo G

    • Yeah, I figured the psychiatrists just diagnose and handle meds and I have to find a psychologist or something for therapy. Just not sure where to start?! Never been in this situation before, they’ve just fallen into my life before….

      Yeah vaginal problems are such a pain! I think for survivors it can be really tough because you’re in a way kind of used to pain in that area (if you were abused sexually with touching etc) and so you tolerate things more than I guess an average woman would, and also I know for me, seeking help for “women’s” problems is tougher because of the shame of being prodded around those parts and the embarrassment and stuff like that.

      Good to get your advice, I know these are regular women’s problems but unfortunately many women don’t even talk about it all! I’m lucky to have this blog where I can openly just blurt it out hehe.

      I hope you’re doing okay and I’m here too, I don’t always have the energy to come to the blog but I try…And thank you again for the encouragement and advice, I am very blessed to have met you! xx

      • I feel the same way, my friend. If you ever have anything really uncomfortable (re: reproductive system issues) you know you can always email me. I work in healthcare so even if I’ve not personally experienced it, I have access to a very vast medical library. 😉 xx

        As for the therapy, I found my therapist through an online search. I put my diagnosis in google and added, ‘therapist in *my town* and she was one of the first to pop up. I was really lucky…she’s so amazing. Hope you have the same sort of luck! xx Keep us updated.

      • Oh that’s so good to know! I always seem to have something wrong with me physically, of course nothing major but I just feel broken most of the time. Right now I also have knee pain which I think is from squatting too much in classes at my old gym in London, and all that the doctor here wants to do is an MRI. Like, wtf? That’s too much, but I do wanna be well..

        Also, such a good idea to Google therapist! I’d want someone who’s a specialist in abuse as I think all other mental health issues are coming from my childhood, so perhaps I will Google that. Thought there would be survivor websites with therapy resources but nothing thus far.

        Thanks again for the help! Let’s try Skype sometime?

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