I live in South Florida, have a daily access to the beach, I have a wonderful man in my life who cares about me, we just got a dog, I have friends around the world and I even have a gym membership, a bit of money saved, and live in a cute little apartment where I currently pay no bills.
Yet I’m depressed, demotivated and wake up at noon to do…nothing, all day.
And I feel so SHIT that now that things around me SHOULD make me happy, but they don’t. I have realized that when you’re depressed, you could have the most amazing life but none of that matters when your mind makes you feel like all you’re worth is death and misery.
It sucks. I really should use my life better! I have all this time on my hands yet I literally do nothing all day! I browse the internet, chat to people on facebook, and that’s really about it.
Daily tasks like showering, washing my hair, even brushing my teeth, are difficult to accomplish.
I don’t eat well, I just gorge on snacks (America is full of shitty food that tastes aaahmazing, like Krispy Kreme donuts and Cheetos) all day.
I faff around and don’t go outside even when the weather is amazing. And it is amazing a lot of times. I hardly take the dog out either!
I have tried doing little bits and pieces here and there, but mainly a) nothing interests me enough to get me out of bed, and b) I feel tired and exhausted all the freaking time so no matter what time of the day it is, I’m just TIRED.
I don’t know what’s wrong. Well, I guess nothing is wrong physically, I just should know that it is the depression sucking the life out of me, and that sucks because even when things are going well for me, I can’t not be depressed, and that depresses me even more because I don’t think things will ever be okay.
Sigh. What is the point in hanging on? I just feel like nothing will ever be good enough for me in my life – I will always be depressed and even the medication doesn’t seem to help. I’m just really tired of all this shit right about now.
Good night folks. I will just return to my warm bed to stare at pictures of dogs on the internet to kill time before I can actually go to bed again.