Depression is such a bitch!

I live in South Florida, have a daily access to the beach, I have a wonderful man in my life who cares about me, we just got a dog, I have friends around the world and I even have a gym membership, a bit of money saved, and live in a cute little apartment where I currently pay no bills.

Yet I’m depressed, demotivated and wake up at noon to do…nothing, all day.

And I feel so SHIT that now that things around me SHOULD make me happy, but they don’t. I have realized that when you’re depressed, you could have the most amazing life but none of that matters when your mind makes you feel like all you’re worth is death and misery.

It sucks. I really should use my life better! I have all this time on my hands yet I literally do nothing all day! I browse the internet, chat to people on facebook, and that’s really about it. 

Daily tasks like showering, washing my hair, even brushing my teeth, are difficult to accomplish.

I don’t eat well, I just gorge on snacks (America is full of shitty food that tastes aaahmazing, like Krispy Kreme donuts and Cheetos) all day. 

I faff around and don’t go outside even when the weather is amazing. And it is amazing a lot of times. I hardly take the dog out either!

I have tried doing little bits and pieces here and there, but mainly a) nothing interests me enough to get me out of bed, and b) I feel tired and exhausted all the freaking time so no matter what time of the day it is, I’m just TIRED.

I don’t know what’s wrong. Well, I guess nothing is wrong physically, I just should know that it is the depression sucking the life out of me, and that sucks because even when things are going well for me, I can’t not be depressed, and that depresses me even more because I don’t think things will ever be okay. 

Sigh. What is the point in hanging on? I just feel like nothing will ever be good enough for me in my life – I will always be depressed and even the medication doesn’t seem to help. I’m just really tired of all this shit right about now.

Good night folks. I will just return to my warm bed to stare at pictures of dogs on the internet to kill time before I can actually go to bed again.

x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Depression is such a bitch!

  1. Thanks for sharing. I can’t tell you how much I relate to your story…every single bit of it. I used to live in Florida also, In Orlando. Now I live in Washington State. I was really depressed and anxious when I moved here in 2009. I was in such a funk. I was very depressed, tired all the time, not working or going to school, and living with my parents and depending on them. It was less than ideal. It took me a lot of soul searching but I found out some essential things I needed to do to turn my life around. I decided to become a Health and Lifestyle coach, started working out and eating better, and working on the parts of my life that made me unhappy. My life is so much different today. I don’t want you to live like this. Check out my blog when you have time: http://happyhealthcoachblog.wordpress.com/ to your health and happiness!

    • Hi! And thank you for your comment! Unfortunately it got stuck in the spam section for a while 😦 I will for sure check out your blog! Very inspirational, and it kind of feels good to know others have been through the same and that I’m not just crazy, being so tired and depressed, and that things can get better too! Take good care and keep in touch!

      • So glad you finally got my message. Depression can be such a hard thing to deal with. But the most important thing is recognizing you are depressed and knowing you no longer want to be. Once you recognize it and decide you want to climb out of it, you will try everything you can to get out of it and stay out. There are so many things in this world that are so amazing and waiting just for you to find them. I would suggest starting a gratitude journal and writing in it everyday at least 5 things you are grateful for. Even if you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, you can choose things like, “I’m grateful I can breathe” or “I’m grateful to be able to take a walk outside.” My gratitude journal helped me so much. Another thing I will tell you is the key to happiness is this: always have something to do, something or someone to love, and something to look forward to. If you have these 3 things life seems so much more endearing. Keep in touch !

      • Wow these are some really good suggestions! I can’t lie, it’ll be difficult to remember to write every day about things I’m grateful for, but hey, could be my next post! If you don’t mind I’d like to quote your words on the post? This would help a lot of people!

  2. One step at a time love. You’ve had so many changes lately…just let yourself settle a little and maybe a path will be a bit more clear. I hate depression too. ❤

    • I know….I am always too harsh on myself and expect perfection and when it doesn’t happen, I get angry at myself for failing in life. I should just take it easy!! I hope to learn to let go and allow myself to feel whatever I feel and not feel bad about it.

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