Everything has changed!

I keep saying this but it’s true!

I have moved across the ocean to the US, I quit my job and I’m currently unemployed, I left all my friends in London to come all the way here…for a guy!

Yes, I got together with someone…It is all very new I guess, but so far so good. In the beginning I missed my ex a LOT, I wondered if I had made a mistake by committing to someone else so soon after I left the guy who I thought was The One, but I think with time and compassion towards myself I am beginning to see I made the right choice.

My significant other is respectful, he cares about me, he loves me, he has a career of his own and he is smart, a bit geeky but in a cute nerdy way. I feel like I am being cared about on an adult level.

I think I used to. Be codependent and clingy about guys, especially me ex, because I didn’t want to be alone, and I was afraid no one would ever love me like he did. Well, I have learned that people do love me (for some weird reason) and that in a normal adult relationship two people respect each other’s individual differences and space.

He knows about the abuse. He never asks me anything about it though, and once he said he finds my past “dark”. At least he is honest! I would run a mile if I met someone like me but he didn’t…

I hide a lot of who I am though. I realized that’s my thing, pretending to be something the other person wants me to be…and looking at my last relationship where I hid my true feelings and thoughts for three years, this kind of behavior doesn’t work!

Guess it is a defense mechanism, but I really want to change! So now that I am in this for life, I really want to make it work!

So far so good……! I feel like I have been given a new opportunity in life and I want to change on a personal level. i’m still me, but I want to grow! Be happy. Love life.

I get days when I am miserable and self harm, or just cry, or stay in bed all day, but at least I’m still here, with a person who cares about me a lot. I’m truly blessed!

Xx

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