I have now resigned from my shit job, Fedexed my earthly possessions out, and at the beginning of September I will move out of London for good!
Scary. I’m scared.
I’ve lived in Britain for ten YEARS and it’s become a home – not that I’ve been happy, but I’ve stayed because I’m settled, it’s easy to be here, it feels familiar.
Change is scary as fuck!
I have decided to leave. I won’t have a job, I can’t say where I’m going yet if things don’t work out, but all I’m saying is that I’m eager for the change to happen but I’m frightened – what if I don’t find affordable therapy, a network of supportive people, what if I end up alone?
I have still decided to take this huge step because I don’t want to let the abuse stop me from living!!. If I stayed in London because of possible therapy; that I’d be too afraid to step out the bubble in case I wasn’t strong enough to handle being alone and on my own, I would let my abuser win.
To stop living and just exist, to devote time to healing but ceasing to live your life, to me it would mean I let the abuse stop me from living, and I’m determined for that to not be the case!
I have to leave, I have to explore the world, I have to learn to know I AM strong and can cope with flashbacks, my borderline personality disorder, my pain and my memories, on my OWN.
To stay would mean defeat. I’d stop living because I was abused, and I can’t let that happen.
Two more weeks and I’m out! Will post about my whereabouts once I settle down somewhere……..
Little Girl xx