Confused.Com

Oh gosh I am so confused about life that the anxiety is taking over like a bitch and I can’t sleep, concentrate, get anything done, or even start doing things that I’m meant to do!

I have been away for work – they hauled us all to South America for a conference for 3 days and I barely slept. I don’t like my job but I had decided on the plane there to have my game face on and off I went, smiling, laughing, networking, talking….I was on fire!

I got back exhausted and shattered, and finally got a chance to sleep on Friday, and I slept until 2pm on Saturday, waking up to wanting to go to sleep again. I have been awake since then though, and again feel like I am too anxious to sleep.

I have laundry to do, packing waiting to be done, and I cannot function. All I think about is work, the abuse, my relationship that ended, people in my life….I am literally falling into pieces in my head and all I can do is stuff my face and chain smoke to try to stay in the reality somehow…

I wish I didn’t smoke. I want to stop smoking. I have smoked most of my life – not loads but fair amount and I’m starting to be scared about the damage I have done. Just can’t stop!!!

Ok I’m too anxious to even think about anything, I’m off to smoke another one and go to the kitchen to see if there is anything for me to eat….

 

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3 thoughts on “Confused.Com

  1. I am in the emergency stage as well. You are NOT ALONE! I also tend to stuff my face to stay in reality but no one would ever guess as I keep a healthy weight. My therapist says to just take one hour at a time and this will not last forever. She has been a trauma therapist for 30 years so I trust her. The flashbacks make me feel like I am “losing it”, but they are part of the process. The only way out is THROUGH. Good luck to you.

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