Just was told that my last therapy session will be in April. So sad! Just when it’s going so well!!
Memories are starting to surface and it’s so scary. I want them to stay behind that closed door, but in a way, it kind of is a relief…I do want to know what happened in my childhood, even the most disturbing things.
Sexual abuse is never pleasant (except to the abusers! Sick fucking bastards. They all need to be hung!), but I’m hoping to remember it all so I can have peace.
I want to connect the dots that mark my childhood, and connect with that frightened little girl. Yes, the one with big cheeks and blueish grey eyes, the one with a sad smile, who stands alone in the pouring rain on a cloudy summer eve, staring into the distance.
I want to connect with that girl, because she is me, yet she’s so distant that if I don’t grab her hand tight she may well run away, taking her painful secrets with her.
I have to learn to love her. I have to not hate her so much. I have to have compassion towards her and tell her that one day it’ll all be okay.
//That Little Girl