Surviving life and eating til I feel sick.

That’s how I feel like right now – like I’m just surviving by taking it all day by day, if not hour by hour. I am hyper anxious and recently went to see doctor for heart palpitations and strange murmurs and now I’m going through tests to see if anything’s wrong, although I’m pretty sure it’s all because of the stress and anxiety.

My period was late and I was scared of being preggies. I have stuffed my face (tubs and tubs of mentos, anyone?) and gained 10 pounds in three weeks and I feel bloated and fat. I went to a gym class the other day and saw myself in the mirrors and compared to everyone else in the class I was HUGE. I felt mortified.

My weight is always yo-yoing but this time it is on steady rise and it bugs me so bad, but instead of doing something about it, I reach for food. I can go through my entire day with something in my mouth at all times – if it’snot food, then it’s coffee, tea, or gum. I cannot not eat something!

I constantly want to fill my stomach, but even after I’m full I won’t stop.

Last night I had bought candy, and as I was trying to go to sleep I kept popping fruit mentos and chocolate into my mouth until my heart was beating really quick – the sugar high is sickening, but I can’t stop!

I don’t know why I do this, and I don’t know how to stop. I hate myself so much!!!! I am physically disgusted by myself, but there is nothing I seem to be able to do to stop it……….

Working from home – time to go to the kitchen for a browse of what’s in the fridge.  And this is how it goes all day, every day. Even in the office. I am addicted to sugary foods, and I am anxious about food at all times also. I keep ballooning and the clothes get tighter and I start again hating myself more and more yet I keep at it.

What the fuck is wrong with me??

 

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4 thoughts on “Surviving life and eating til I feel sick.

    • Thank you! Oh I wish I had the answers too (guess I’d be rich by now and have helped lots of others!) but I don’t. Guess that’s just life – ups and downs, and sometimes you can change behaviors when you really try….Thank you for your comment and the encouragement! x

  1. I started a blot recently for the same reason….I can not stop eating…. i can eat normally for a couple days but something always triggers another binge…wish I could tell u the answer to it 😦

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