Maroon 5 on Spotify, lots of coffee at my desk, and I’m still wanting to scream out loud.
I hate my life so badly right now, everything is going wrong, and it feels like a train in motion that I can’t stop and I just have to hang on without a way out.
I don’t even like pop or rock music. I’m an R&B / HipHop / Dancehall chick through and through. But somehow I bumped into a few songs by Maroon 5 and now I’m hooked…..It is helping me with my emotional state, I can really wallow listening to the sad songs….Fits my mood perfectly. Wow I am becoming a sad-song-woman.
I hate my job. I work in a really lowly office role and just today these people who sit around me all received new Mac’s, promotions and raises and I feel bitter and angry as fuck as I feel like people who sit around lazily all day get the cream of the crop in life and me who really struggles and tries to work at it in life gets nothing.
I guess I am a megalomaniac. I want The Best. I want to be famous, loved, envied, rich and beautiful. I want the whole world to know about me, and as I get older and sink deeper and deeper in life the more I realize this will never happen, and I get so bitter and angry and hopeless and depressed and angry. I hate this shit. I would have deserved better!!
But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. And to feel better in life I should be thankful for the things that are going right but I simply cannot do that….I am fucked up. I just hate hate hate. And this bitterness fills my heart, my soul, my mind and my lungs until I just want to bitch slap everyone in the face and scream and yell and punch people.
Of course I’d never do that. I’m such a Nice Girl. Middle Class. “Normal”. So I have to hide my feelings and emotions and cry it out in silence.
Oooooooh how I hate everything right now….I am torn. I just want to run out and SCREAM. Fuck this shit.