Being Abused Fucking Sucks

It does. I think I have forgotten about healing for a while as my life has been so full of eviction hearings, job shit, relationship matters, depression, hopelessness, anxiety, hobbies and career anxiety.

I did remember it today. My therapist confirmed that the therapy would come to an end in 3 months’ time and I got SO angry and upset – I have literally solved nothing in the past 14 months. Nothing. I have wasted so much fucking time in lying there not talking.

I’m so angry. I feel let down, I feel forgotten about, and I feel like my needs are not being met.

No one cares. The system doesn’t care. My therapist doesn’t care, I’m just a case to be thrown out for him.

So today I opened my little mouth and said it was pointless, that I’d come there hoping I’d get healing from things, especially the childhood sexual abuse that had happened. And I started crying, and talked about it, until he said it’s time, and I walked out, and I’m now on my way home.

I’m meant to be working from home but I have zero desire. I am upset, but mostly angry. If my therapist had asked questions, I would have started talking about the abuse a year ago, and I wouldn’t have wasted all this time! I feel so…bitter and cheated.

I had high hopes and I have given up a lot to do this and I feel like my therapist and the NHS system has failed me and are about to toss me aside when I need help more than I have ever needed in my entire life.

Here’s hoping I don’t go completely nuts.

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