Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I have previously mentioned how I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by someone working in the mental health team that took me on from being referred by my doctor a few years ago.

I am fairly comfortable with that diagnosis – and no, I don’t think I explain things away by saying that’s what I have, but I would like some sympathy I guess but this never happens. Just have to keep on keeping on I guess.

This weekend I was on the BBC website when I saw a link to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder quiz through one of their articles, and thought I’d send it to my housemate as I strongly believe he has it; would be nice if he figured it out too so he’d get some help….It is not nice being at the receiving end of the self-centeredness.

I however thought I’d take this quiz as well for the shits and giggles, and OMG I scored REALLY highly on the scale and it suggested I for sure am narcissistic!

I was shocked! I mean, I have been told by multiple people that I am selfish and self-centered and don’t care about people (truths) but I never thought I’d actually have a personality disorder!

So I went to my therapist this morning claiming that he must have known about it, but haven’t said anything to me, and I was upset that he hasn’t. Again, as his style is, he didn’t say anything about that but wondered why it would be important for me know what his diagnosis of me is…?!

I’m so tired of begging for a diagnosis – I know something is wrong with me as I am on anti-depressants and in the mental health care system, but it bugs me that no one has written it on paper what they think I have. I think a diagnosis would be so much easier to take than general mental problems and difficulties which seem to make no sense.

So I guess I have to believe this quiz and think that I have that disorder instead. It does fit me quite well and as shocking as it is, at least now I know to stay far away from people so I won’t hurt anyone else again with my selfishness. Time to be allllllll alone.

LittleGirl x x

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  1. So many of the personality disorders seem to have symptoms that cross over between. My diagnosis of adult attachment disorder also fits with boarderline personality and almost every attachment style disorder I’ve ever read. I don’t think we ever quite fit perfectly into any one criteria, but I totally understand your need to have a “diagnosis”. It makes it feel impossible to fight against something if you don’t even know what it is….:(

    You may have aspects of different disorders but regardless, your path to healing will be as it was before. The things in you that need fixing (by your own standards) don’t really need a “name”…just the right time and mindset to heal. (what that mindset might be or how much time it might take I do not know….sigh…this wasn’t such a helpful comment) 😉

    Hang in there xx

    • It is a helpful comment! It is good to hear from others that they also have wondered what was going on – and yes, I agree that a diagnosis can be helpful. I just think often psychiatrists don’t want to tell you as they think you will accept it as your life destiny and then become even more like the disorder instead of trying to get better….I do agree on that many of them have similar traits…I guess for me, a diagnosis means that I am not crazy and that there is a reason for these weird feelings and emotions and ways of behaving that collide with the world and that make the world make me feel weird…behaviors that I simply cannot stop / change! It is a relief to realize they stem from somewhere instead of me just being crazy….Thank you for the comment and take good care!

      • I agree in full. I struggled very hard before someone finally helped me realize I suffered from PTSD and the attachment stuff was a complete surprise as well. You really seem like you’ve got your head on straight 🙂 You don’t come of crazy in the least…so you know. xx

      • Aww thank you!!! I am pretty good at pretending everything is great and I have developed all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with the demons in my head…Like, I hold down a job (boring office job, but a job regardless) and no one in my office would EVER have a clue of what was going on in my head! I keep it all in….My problems affect my life in a major way – just broke up with a boyfriend of 3 years as I just feel so messed up that I can’t handle relationships or close human contact; this is something I have only recently figured out….I have always had “issues” but never fully understood the extent of my problems until I started looking into my behavior and analyzing things….But I am glad I don’t come across as too crazy, I think this blog and the online community is my respite when the world gets too much and I could not bear knowing that people even here thought I was off the rails…I am so scared of criticism and deadly afraid of rejection so it makes me very happy to know there is a connection and I’m not rejected no matter how honest and truthful I am! Thank you!!! xx

  2. The next time I just read a weblog, I genuinely hope which it doesnt disappoint me up to this one. Get real, Yes, it was my choice to read, but I personally thought youd have something intriguing to convey. All I hear can be a handful of whining about something you could fix in the event you werent too busy trying to uncover attention.

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