I’m on a roll with blogging

So many thoughts on my mind. Things I want to say out loud, write them down, share with the world to lessen their impact on my mental well-being.

Firstly, I feel bad about this blog. I had wanted to start something where I could share my journey from being really messed up after remembering the abuse and all these bad things that have happened to me, and then somehow always be really positive so that when other people read it, they would think that it’s not so bad being a survivor of abuse and that people do heal.

Instead, I have a feeling that every time I post it’s just complaints, shit, crap, negativity and stories of how terrible my life is.

It is not uplifting at all!

I am sorry…I wish I could be more positive; in fact, battling with intense negativity, depression and hopelessness and anger towards self is the one thing that describes my entire life journey.

Can I EVER be anything different? Will I ever feel happy? Will I ever be content?

HOW does one change?!?!?! And why is it so hard?!?!?!

WISH I could just…reinvent myself, throw the old me out of the window and emerge as new being, something more beautiful, a skinnier and more gorgeous human being who radiates warmth, self-confidence, inner peace and strength.

I wish that this current me would just….wither away, and a new being would emerge from the cocoon, and I could forever live happily ever after.

Is it possible?

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “I’m on a roll with blogging

  1. Hey..xx A blog doesn’t have to be written in any way other than the way you want it to be. I have enjoyed ALL of your posts so far, have never found it to be depressing or “complaining”…seriously, I know how hard it can be to reconcile all of this stuff while carrying on. My blog is not a very happy place, but I learn so much through it. I learn through yours too. 🙂

    You just keep writing what you feel. I’ll be here to read it, no matter. xx Grainne

    • Aww thank you SO much for your kind comment – I feel better now! I guess I’ll just have to blog about what feels right for me at that point in time; if I’m feeling negative there is no point in pretending that things are good as that would be lying, both to myself and to people who read what I say….Take care and Happy New Year! Here’s to bigger and better things and more good feelings for 2013!

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