My life has taken over.
I haven’t posted in forever, and part of me wants to forget about this blog.
I have a couple of other blogs that I write as myself, with my real name and all. I have also started my own business which I’ve mentioned, and been working like crazy and doing all sorts of other stuff, so this LittleGirl thing is really like just at the back of my mind.
The only thing that keeps me attached to my past and to my identity as a survivor is my three-times-a-week therapy (where I still make no effort really..) and following the recent media stories about the sexual abuse a British celebrity called Jimmy Savile appeared to have committed.
Oh, and someone I know sent me a hideous article from a Swedish newspaper and even though I’m at work at my desk I almost broke down reading it – things like that really throw me off course and I am reminded of my past in those moments..
Otherwise I’m “normal”. I live, work, function and no one would know about my troubles. I keep my weird thoughts inside my mind and try appear normal.
It is tiring – I wish one day I could be a whole. I wish I could have an identity that encompassed all my sides and I didn’t have to hide anything….
Not that I’d wanna shout from the rooftops about my abuse (have sometimes felt like it though) but it would be nice to be able to be open when people ask where my father or family is and so on. I just think that even when I’d like to tell people, I don’t because people change their opinions about you because not a lot of people know how to deal with information like that.
I hope that I can start posting more often as well and jot down thoughts after therapy, I think that would be really good for me. I would like to make some sense of it all as right now my mind is confused; like an ocean with lots of matter waving about and nothing is settled or grounded…..
Take care and stay blessed,