Please flashback don’t come now….

I am on an edge. I feel something stirring inside me but I keep praying it doesn’t come out.

I feel that I am about to get a major flashback; it’s been coming out for days but I keep pushing it away – I have no time for it now….I don’t want to be sucked into that world right now, I need to stay in the here and now.

The feeling is like when you’re boiling water in a kettle and you hear the first sounds of water heating but you know it’s not bubbling yet. It is heating up from below and it is only a matter of time when the hot water bursts through the surface and bubbles out.

I don’t want it to happen though. I don’t know why; maybe because I am scared to find out what the flashback is about (I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it and I’ll burst apart and go crazy) and I also don’t want to know because I have my present life to lead and I have no time or energy to be used for that purpose.

I need to keep on going and staying busy and maybe (hopefully) the feelings go away and nothing bad happens. I am not ready yet. Maybe one day when I am not busy in life and when I can break apart and it’s okay to cry all the time, I will sit down and allow the memories to come back, but not now.

Back to work, back to my busy life.

With love,

Little Girl in the Rain x

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2 thoughts on “Please flashback don’t come now….

  1. Next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn’t disappoint me just as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, however I truly thought you’d have something helpful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something you could possibly fix if you were not too busy searching for attention.

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