Depressed? I try not to be!

Pheww another week is almost done and I made it! It’s Friday afternoon and although the weather in London is disgusting, I am in good spirits because a) I feel like I have found the purpose for my life and b) ..I have found the purpose.

It was three days ago when I was working from home, tired of slaving away doing IT work that I don’t really like, feeling hopeless and blah, when I got an idea – like a lightning from clear sky I realized I should set up my own business, and so that was it, I have been excited about it ever since!

I can’t say what it is yet of course, but in due course….I will. I am not sure it will work out at all anyway! Lots of risks and investments to make, but I feel like I might have just found the way to combine my passions and work for myself in the future! And until then…I got my day job!

I also had a bit of a breakthrough in my therapy – I started actually talking about something meaningful. For the past 6 months I have been talking about my eviction case, my work life, my friends or issues with people…Never have I really talked about my childhood or my past. I have never even told him I was abused! I’m sure he knows from my notes but still…I never say much there anyway, so in a way I have wasted … God knows how many sessions, by lying there and not saying much.

I don’t know why I haven’t talked. In every other therapy I have ever done, I have blurted out everything during the first two sessions; it’s been like verbal diarrhoea  every time I have started seeing a new therapist, but this time it’s just been completely different. I have no idea why, but the fact that I have to lie down, he doesn’t ask any questions but expects me to do all the talking, and that he’s a man might have something to do with it.

I just got tired of going there three times a week without getting much out of it, so I realized I’d have to give something to get something. Maybe I’m scared of losing it completely so I don’t allow myself to “go there”, to the painful place. But I have to do it. And this is the right time.

Well well, I’m off to the bus stop to catch one home and hope to get some sleep this weekend as I cannot live with 5h-a-night sleep pattern for long *damn insomnia and anxity!*.

Stay blessed everyone!!!

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