It’s sometimes so hard to control my irritation. Or anxiety. I’m usually pretty stable but when certain things happen I get so irritated that I’m ready to punch someone…And usually this is only after a few specific things. One is when someone touches my stuff or moves my possessions around. I cannot stand anyone cleaning my room (not that people do but I’m just saying), even doing my bed gives me like an extreme feeling of anger and irritation.
Today I came to work to find my desk moved around and all my stuff on a pile on top of it. Needless to say, I was PISSED OFF. Big time. I snapped at a coworker, turned music on loud on my headphones, still haven’t talked to anyone, and I just sit here pissed off and fuming.
Cannot explain it. It is just one of those things that people need to avoid with me, touching my stuff. Moving anything around that belongs to ME will PISS ME OFF.
I also get irritated if I am surprised or if I don’t get my way. If I have a thought or a plan or an idea and I can’t do it, I get physically anxious and super irritated. This was even worse when I had anorexia, I have calmed down over the years…But I have been known to snap and get really moody about the seemingly smallest thing.
So right now, with the desk move, I sit with my back facing the rest of the office and I feel irritated and anxious, I don’t like having space behind me. It makes me nervous and I even thought I’d contact my manager and say I won’t come back to work unless I get another seat – how crazy is that? I just DO NOT LIKE IT. End of. And I will be moody and pissed off for some time until I randomly calm down and usually I then feel bad about my moodiness and feel like people would have judged me…
Anyway so back to work and being fucking irritated. I got drunk last night on my own after the job interview and I really liked it, not needing to care about anything just chilling with my Captain Morgan and Diet Coke and youtube videos. I need simplicity in my life I think. Stress makes me SNAP.