So I have this big job interview tomorrow that I have been head hunted for. I regularly post my resume online on various job sites and then get calls – usually for sales jobs – from agencies who need to hire people for their clients.
I usually say no as I really do not want to work in sales – well, maybe. I am attracted to the money-side of things…and the successes and highs of sales…and the potential to make life what you want it to be…and the ability to experience the adrenaline rush of that first cold call…But anyway. I generally would like to say that I want to work in a humane environment, maybe one day own my own business or do consultancy or work for the UN or something exciting, noble, awesome, rewarding..which would pay me a nice wage and allow me to enjoy life.
But this time I said yes to the initial interview and here I am – I got through three rounds already (how? I don’t know. By wearing a mask which says “I’m confident and ambitious”) and I have the final interview tomorrow. And I’m scared. Because I haven’t actually told them I’d need flexible hours because of my intensive three-times a week psychotherapy for my anxiety and depression and borderline personality disorder. Yikes!
To tell or not to tell? I have been on online forums and sites and they all seem to say Don’t Tell. Before you get the job. There seems to be incredible amounts of discrimination (even though this is ILLEGAL) when it comes to recruitment, so…I guess I won’t disclose my mental health issues until I get an offer!
But then what? If they withdraw offer when I disclose, what do I have left? Not my dignity, that’s for damn sure.
So I’m mad at myself for having problems (feel like banging my head against the wall) and I also hate myself for wanting to achieve as it makes everything so much harder! If I just was able to sit around and do nothing and not dream of a career or money or happiness, I’d be ok. But I seem to want it all! And that makes everything so much harder! I keep thinking I could do this high-end financial sales job but REALLY could I do it?? I am not so sure……
I want to do well, but I am not sure if I can wear The Mask for the whole interview. It will drop at some point, if not in the interview, then at least when I get the job and I freeze and get anxious and forget my words and stutter on the phone.
So what is a depressed anxious borderline fuck-up to do? Please tell me because I do not know.
xx stay well and dream xx