Borderline Personality

Okay so I was diagnosed with Borderline a while ago, but then what? I googled it a few times and felt like finally something could explain me. How I felt and what I was like as a person.

I haven’t really read too much about it since, or asked questions, or really tried to figure things out as I concentrate on my therapy and somehow think that once I get better, so will the symptoms of the borderline personality disorder.

But something prompted me to dig deeper – and I can only thank my blog! I recently got an email about a new follower, and I clicked on her blog and felt like I’d come home! So thank you, Jaen Wirefly, for your posts! I found the one on the front page right now the most useful, it is like…amazing! Thank you! You are speaking to my heart and I feel …like I am not alone. Like my craziness CAN BE explained! Like, it’s OK to be like this because of the disorder…

I’m also pretty certain – 99% sure in fact – that I have this disorder because of my childhood. I cannot think how someone who endured sexual abuse, and the kind of violent and abrupt home life that I had, could come out completely “normal” (I don’t think there is such a thing as normal – just variations of averages, and continuum of functionality and ability to lead a culturally and socially acceptable life)

I also think I had anorexia (and bulimia) at 16 because of my childhood, I have been depressed for however many years, and I have low self-esteem and all sorts of other issues.

Nice, isn’t it. Blaming everything else but myself. I feel kind of funny “explaining away” my mental problems, but then on the other hand there must be a reason for all this? Who knows. But for now, in the midst of the most horrendous headache ever, I will continue reading your blog, Jaen.

XX

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3 thoughts on “Borderline Personality

  1. You are very welcome;) This disorder is so confusing. Sometimes you’ll feel as if you’re “normal,” and wonder if you really have BPD. Then other times you’ll become so fragmented and depressed that you’ll have trouble with simple tasks. Keep reading, keep reaching out. People with BPD do heal. Yes we do.

    • Thank you for your kind comment – you are SO right about it! Some days I feel like I can succeed, be “normal”, have friends, interact with people in a functioning way, and then some little thing throws me off course and I go ape shit crazy and moody and irritated and have no control over my emotions and moods at all…Rollercoaster, I’d say, and one that I seem to have no control over 😦 Thank you for spreading the message and for your support of others, it really is life saving. xx.

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