Oh Dear God. One more thing to take…I am being evicted from the apartment where I live – lots of issues with the landlord resulted in him serving eviction notice on me and my three housemates, and now I’m facing having nowhere to go.

Very very very stressed out. Words can’t describe how anxious I am about everything. The intensive therapy is throwing me off course big time and I feel strange feelings I have never felt before.

Work is getting stressful, and I still think about leaving every single day. Money isn’t enough and this is really taking me nowhere….

And now on top of everything else I am being evicted and I have to either go all the way to court (to be fair, the problems have been going on for a few months but it has recently intensified to a point where I really can’t take this anymore!!!) or leave now…And where am I gonna go? I have to stay withing my own borough to continue in therapy (in England, health care is organized by areas so if you receive services from an NHS organization you have to stay in the area to continue within their parameters….) so I don’t have much choice.

Getting public help is out of reach – I am not a priority (= 18-year old single mother with three kids), so the publicly-funded housing is out of question.

So big things are happening. To stay or to leave? To stay would mean we’d illegally continue occupying the apartment which will results in court action.

To leave would mean I’d have to find a new place, move, leave, haul all my shit to another location, get used to new housemates (my own apartment is out of reach as they are too expensive 😦  )…..

We have big arguments every night with my housemates. Lots of screaming and finger pointing. People rushing out of rooms before they hit someone. We are all anxious about the situation and it is horrible. I hate it. I hate having to defend myself and keep cool.

I am somewhat proud of myself though; I hold my own and step up to housemates who point fingers and pick up arguments, and for the first time in my life I am able to argue without feeling defeated or that they are above me 🙂 You live and learn and most of all, grow up and become a bigger and better person.

So…We shall see what happens. I may or may not be able to take this shit, but it does feel good to let it out, write it down, breathe………….

Have a blessed day x x


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