Endings Again

I have decided to quit my support group. I have been going to this monthly women’s only group since January 2008 (time flies!) and I have just recently made a decision to put all my eggs in one basket and only speak to my therapist about things.

I think the group has been a lifeline for me for a long time as that has been the only place in the world where I have felt understood (all the participants are survivors of childhood abuse or sexual abuse) and where I have felt like I could be myself and no one would judge me.

I now have however reached a point where I feel like I should give the rest of the world a chance – I need to come out of this bubble of feeling like only survivors will understand me, and try to reach out to the “real world”. I haven’t always been treated very well by the real world – people have belittled my experiences and feelings – but I am willing to give it a fair chance now and try to open up to my current therapist.

It will be really hard as he is a man, we have just started working together, and I generally am quite uncomfortable talking about certain subjects there, but I am not afraid to give it a chance anymore.

Leaving the group is a huge decision for me and I am worried it wasn’t the right choice – what if the real world doesn’t get me, and I miss the feeling of being able to go into that room where for two hours a month I can really be me?

I have made my decision and next month will be my last group. Nervous, but full of excitement as I surely am growing stronger and wiser and ready to let go of the safety net of the group and move on.

Wish me luck!

LittleG

My favorite moment - feet in warm sand by an ocean beach

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