I might have mentioned on a few occasions that I have finally started to feel that this is the right time in my life to devote time to healing, and that I have been looking for a therapist.
As I live in London, the choices are pretty limited. Not that there isn’t therapy, but that affordable therapy is very hard to find. I kept calling charities and organizations who deal with abuse, private therapists for reduced-cost sessions, and googling NHS organizations where I could get my doctor to refer me to.
Months later, I found an organization called Solace Women’s Aid. After waiting a bit after the initial assessment session I called them back and they apologized profusely for my wait, and told me I should soon be allocated a counselor.
And they did. I started seeing someone (they only have female counselors, which is super amazing) and after three sessions I can say that things will never be the same for me. With her straightforward questions and my honesty, I have been able to go to places in my mind that I never thought I could, and although the initial shock can be quite overwhelming, once you get over with it there is so much peace to be experienced.
My second session brought up very painful memories and feelings (will discuss those later, somehow my mind is not in the right place to go into it now), but I think at the end of the day, to allow yourself to re-experience pain, disgust, humiliation, sadness, anger, bitterness and loss, allows you to one day move on (I hope!!!)
On that note, I think therapy can be an amazing experience that allows you to put into words the emotions and thoughts in your head, and while you verbalize, things somehow click into place. I would not change this for anything, and just hope that I will keep going even if it gets too tough, and really decide to deal with everything right now.
We only get one life, and this is mine. To have been unhappy and sick in my mind for 27 years is too much, and no one else can make me change except for me. The time has come.