Last Saturday, the 21st of May, marks the five-year anniversary of my first flashback, which happened on a cold May evening back in 2006.
I think it was the year after, when in May again I started reflecting on the past year and saw how remembering the abuse and and the horrors and pain of my childhood affected me, and it was then when I had decided to start celebrating this day as a memorial day/second birthday for me.
It always catches me by surprise, unlike my real birthday which I think about for weeks in advance. I guess because this one is a made-up celebration, one that I try to honor, yet can’t publicly celebrate as I’m not in a place in my life yet where I want to tell people about the special meaning of the day.
This year, I woke up and made a hearty breakfast of beans on toast and a big bowl of fruit salad which I shared with my boyfriend. I read books, reflected on my life, and tried to honor the person that I am today, five years after the initial shock and memories.
I think as time goes past, I’ll be more able to share my celebration and will take better care of myself on that day; to me it should be as important if not more, than my real birthday. This year I only wrote it on my facebook status and two people liked it, but maybe in the future I will be able to host a party or a women’s group evening or some kind of special and meaningful celebration.
I want to ask all survivors who read this; do you honor your survival with anything special? Do share, as I’d like to find out how we can learn from others and their experiences.
What I do is minor and only affects my life, but if we pulled together and shared experiences and voices, our lives could be just that little bit more meaningful, I think.
With a lot of love from my heart,