I found therapy!!! Kind of.

Really good news! I finally found therapy!

As you might remember, I have been trying to find help for the past year after my former therapist fell ill. She was also a survivor, and I had been seeing her for about a year or so, and although it was private, it was very much affordable.

She really was a kind woman, very motherly and dedicated to her cause. She had survived childhood sexual abuse, and grew strong through lots of set backs, and eventually founded her own charity to help other survivors.

I saw her, and also attended (and still do!) a support group at the center. Then she got sick last April, and my therapy was all of a sudden discontinued; this was reeeeally hard for me as so many other things were going on in my life at the time, and dealing with the loss of a therapist, a mentor, a supporter and a mother-figure was tough.

As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I then sought help from the NHS – the National Health Service – here in the UK. I have tried to talk to my doctor (or doctors, as I don’t always get to see the same person at the center where I go), but all I got was a referral to CBT.

Twelve sessions later, I was bored of seeing this woman who was my age and just not emotionally mature enough to deal with my trauma or try to help. She referred me to psychiatrist, and after three sessions this older, bitter and cold woman, diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, and referred me to a class/group called Emotional Mentalization Based Therapy.

I am due to start in June, but I doubt I’ll go, as it would fall in the middle of my working day! And this is my BIGGEST reason for hating on the public services here; first, they love to give you a diagnosis without seeing the obvious fact that you might just be a survivor of abuse who has developed certain survival behavior, instead of being mentally ill.

Also, they only work during the office hours, so if you depend on them for help, please just don’t plan on working…For here, if you work, you are seen as “functioning” hence you don’t need help, instead they help people who can’t function, and who are able to attend during office hours.

I am bitter, pissed off, and would love to start a campaign to change this, because I see it being very messed up; what if I have survived, I am struggling, I have issues and I am in pain, but I am ALSO able to realize that I need to take care of myself, pay my bills, and pay my taxes (that then support the health care system!!!) I need help but they won’t give it to me because I have decided to work, hence can’t attend during the day time.

Now, if I dropped out of work and lived on benefits and did nothing for the society, then they’d LOOOVE to help me.

Fucked up, huh?????

In any case, I have decided to take a route of my own, and spent days rummaging through the internet for providers of counselling….NAPAC was the best of all sites I found, and through them I called and called and emailed and emailed, and finally….found a place! I have had an assessment appointment at Solace Women’s Aid and I am now waiting to be appointed a counsellor. I am beyond excited; I am finally on the way to unraveling the mysteries, secrets and shame of my past, and I feel good.

With much love and gratitude for being able to share,

LittleGirl x

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