Hello World indeed…This is my first post, written on a rainy day in England, when the skies are grey and mood gloomy, yet with much anticipation I step on this journey of revealing my journey to the world.
Suddenly this project that I have been thinking about for months seems an insurmountable task. I am afraid someone will know who I am, I am afraid of revealing my soul to the unknown readers in this world, and I am scared of what I will find from within my own mind whilst doing this.
Yet at the same time, this is a positive step for me. I have been wondering what it would be like to write about my inner-most thoughts to someone other than my therapist. This might be the type of thing I need at this point in time, to freely and anonymously write what I am going through, and maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to help someone see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am sure at this point someone will think; what the hell is she talking about? I am not quite sure myself. I guess the reason for this blog was to reveal to the world what the journey of healing is like for someone like me, who has been through trauma and abuse in their lives, yet who (to the outside world) is a normal, happy, outgoing individual. I have had to hide my shame, my pain, my tears, my blood, my bitterness and my never-ending struggle, from people, and go on about my business as if nothing had ever happened.
Until today. Today is the day when I start allowing people to get into the mind and soul of someone like me- and I am sure you all know a woman who has been through childhood trauma, yet you were unable to figure out exactly how they felt.
Or maybe you think you don’t know anyone, because how would you know unless they told you? Us survivors are great actresses. We will tell you we are fine, when the world is crumbling beneath our feet and we are unable to go on living. So just because someone hasn’t come forward, don’t think that it definitely hasn’t happened to someone in your vicinity.
Today I feel good. Today I feel like I have finally accomplished something. Today, the veil of utter shame has been lifted, and out can come the true thoughts of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.